Lost in thoughts all alone
by lamentlima
Summary: Just before the evening light strokes my curtains, I am reminded of the mythical time before the world began.
_For real understanding of this fic, please listhen to this song as you read:_ _watch?v=lsz5ijRQvUY_

* * *

 _Before_

Once upon a time, when Humanity took its first breath, their first speck of imagination and fear was born. There were no courts of Winter or Summer, only one fey walked the earth. The first of _her_ kind, the first of Summer. _She_ was born from humanity's wish to protect itself from the horrors in the world: disease, supernatural beings, hunger, wild animals and other humans. _She_ appeared out of the gloom, her beauty outshining the darkness, her light chasing away despair, and the humans clung to her. As time grew on the fairy soon met the second of her kind, a Winter fairy, as _he_ was later known with power of frost and ice.

Where _her_ appearance seemed to vary from different bright color of light, _his_ did not change. Dark hair and silver eyes. His eyes would sometimes appear ice blue when the moon reflected _his_ gaze, a sharp smile would appear when _he_ caught _her_ staring. The two fairies wandered together, curious about their differences. They were together for years, mutual friendship and feelings growing between the two as they remade the world in their own image. The created vast lands of nature, varying from frozen caves to warm forests and lakes had frozen over, with their voices carrying as they skidded across it, shrieks of alarm turning into laughter. Standing on the beach, with their toes buried in the sand as _she_ would splash warm water at _him_ and _he_ would lung to return the favor, _she_ would disappear in a gust of wind and leaves, reappearing behind _him_ with a huge grin and warm eyes glinting. And they grew to understand each other's weaknesses, interests and habits, and they were filled with joy and nothing, nothing, nothing could bring them apart.

But, nothing can last forever.

The summer fairy was happy that _sh_ e wasn't alone no longer, and shared with the winter fairy _her_ stories of the humans and the world, with its ever changing brightness. The winter fairy did not share his companions love for the humans and grew jealous of _her_ affection, of the humans _she_ so terribly cherished, and wished to reserve it only for _himself_. For _she_ was the only one equal to _him_ and could match his power and existence, not those mortals who grew dimmer with time, they did not deserve _her_ love.

 _He_ understood his mistake later when _he_ met _her_ eyes, who at once gazed at him with love and joy, but were now were wide with fear and betrayal at the death _he_ had caused, at the eternal winter he had brought upon the earth for a millennia, at _his_ choice to be the king of fears, of darkness and air as _he_ raised the winter court out of spite.

 _She_ was a different type of fairy then _him_. _She_ was warm while _he_ was cold. While _she_ brought joy, _he_ brought despair. _She_ danced in summer, while _he_ walked through winter. _She_ was never the same like _him_. Only, _equal_ in power.

And while _he_ raised the Winter court, the Summer rose from other fairies like _her_. But there were never as humane as _she_ was, and they like _his_ court saw the humans as pray. Even though, only because of these weak mortals they existed in the first place.

 _She_ sat on the throne and held _her_ court, distancing _her_ subjects from the humans they wished to pray on. While in Winter, they hunted humans as pray. But, since Summer and Winter were natural enemies the fairies were always at war, and there was hardly time for hunting.

The winter King and the Summer Queen were known as the first fae, and the most powerful. And they fought each other for hundreds of years, the memories of their friendship appearing as a distant dream. The summer queen ruled with a steady hand, striking fear in _her_ enemy's hearts with _her_ clear mind. While, the King of Winter ruled by striking fear in _his_ own subjects hearts, and was spoken as a heartless monster _whose_ power sends gales of wind across seas and shook towers of ice.

Eventually the fairies withdrew from the human world into their own world, the Nevernever. There, the courts held their domains while holding the balance of the seasons in consideration. A weapon was created, known as the "Scepter of Season's", and it changed hands between Summer and Winter at each solstice.

The Summer Queen felt _her_ reign come to a close from beneath the Wyldwood of the Nevernever. The old magic of the earth told _her_ it's whisperings of a new era. Humans were evolving, and their imagination grew. And so came forth new fairies, not as yet as powerful as _her_ but they soon will be. _She_ had never wanted to be queen of any creature, fairy or human since the beginning, but _who_ could have taken the throne and be equal to _her_ once one true friend? And so, the Summer Queen went to see the one that had hurt _her_ all those years ago, just to find _him_ dying, reaching out to _her_ while his voice was caught in a silent scream.

Madness had consumed _him_ , overwhelming bloodlust and rage at the wrong _he_ did to _her_ all those years ago. It was _his_ nature, _he_ rasped, to hurt and kill. Yet, _he_ had never wanted to hurt _her_ , for _she_ was the only one _he_ had ever truly _loved_. As _he_ sat on the Winter throne through the years, directing his subjects to attack the Summer court across the neutral Wyldwood, _he_ would clench _his_ teeth as he saw images of a Queen with bright hair and with a head held high command _her_ troops not to return _his_ attacks, but to protect their home. _She_ was not always patient as that, and found crafty ways to maim _his_ court and _he_ would _smile_ as _he_ remembered days that were not so bloody in their games.

Because yes, with all _his_ jealousy, _he_ could never truly hurt her, the _beloved_ friend _he_ had once had, who _he_ had played with and _laughed_. _He_ had already hurt _her_ enough all those years ago. Their battle between courts was just an after effect of that mistake.

And the Summer Queen watched as _her_ once and only _true love_ begged _her_ to end this, _to end him_. _She_ had not realized why _his_ betrayal had hurt _her_ to the core, leaving _her heartbroken_. No, _she_ had not realized those feelings then, when _he_ had destroyed the people _she_ cherished. But now _she_ had, and even if _her_ heart soared at the thought that they had _both_ _loved_ each other, _he_ lay gasping for breath beneath _her_ feet. Time, had already slipped through their fingers, _wasted_ centuries, _for a pointless conflict_.

And while _she_ decided that they _both_ had enough and had raised the two matching daggers _they_ once made for each other to _his_ chest and _hers_ , the Summer Queen found out that while _she_ could stab, and bleed, and feel pain beyond compare, _she_ was unable to die. So the Summer Queen watched the once King of Winter die, light fading from _his_ eyes, with _his_ silver gaze holding hers. And the Winter court fell into ruin.

The Summer Queen took off her crown. Her hair was now an everlasting orange of fiery rage, an image adopted by her unwillingly as the humans who grew to fear the fey named them children of the devil, while she was at first the one to give them peace from the horned demon. Her hair was in the color of hell's fire as they said, as they feared the fey that stole their children, took their daughters away, walked with soulless across the earth and laughed cruelly at their cunningness.

New monarchs rose, and the Summer Queen stood down to Titania, with the cruel smile and Oberon, with the wise eyes as they claimed _her_ court and brought new life as well as a new name for it, Arcadia. The humans had once again entered a new era and new fey sprang up from poems, books and songs. Mab claimed the throne of the Winter court and renamed it as Tir Na Nog, ruling with an iron hand that would have made _her_ predecessor proud. And a mischievous trickster from Shakespeare's tales rose to cause trouble across the Nevernever, with a wild fire of hair and glinting green eyes, as he laughed with easiness once two fairies of Winter and Summer both bore all those years ago.

And the once Summer Queen left. And as the years went by _she_ was forgotten by both courts. _She_ , and _her_ once most **_beloved_**. The stories of _her_ varied in tale; from a tale of heartbreak, loss and sorrow to a tale of fear and conquest. And the humans named _her_ _Deirdre_ , the heartbroken one, the one who was full of rage, the one who struck fear in the hearts of her enemies.

But while other fairies as old as time faded away, _Deirdre_ did not. And _she_ travelled the world, a smile occasionally crossing _her_ face as she remembered the days when it was only _her_ and _him_ and they were _happy_.

 _After_

 _She_ can bear the touch of iron, while her other descendants cannot. For she was created to protect humanity, so nothing the mortals could create would ever hurt her.

* * *

 _She_ cannot die. That is obvious, Deirdre was led to the conclusion that while humanity persists to exist, so will she.

* * *

Oberon has not forgotten her, and he calls to her aid. Sometimes _she_ answers. Sometimes _she_ does not.

* * *

The dark muse had risen in power. At that time the humans created so many masterpieces. Titania grew suspicious of Leanansidhe and has banished her from the Nevernever.

* * *

Leanansidhe has built her own domain in the in-between. They call her the Exile Queen now.

* * *

Deirdre heard of the incident. The death of the winter noble, Ariella. The summer trickster and third winter prince are not friends anymore. It brought up memories that made _her_ want to scream

* * *

Deirdre watched Meghan Chase, Summer's half-bread princess rise to be the Iron Queen. Deirdre didn't like the Iron fey. They, as the other courts, did not bear kindness to humans. _She_ almost strangled the fairy named Virus when she used the mortals as puppets, innocents. The fairy still did not deserve her unfortunate fate.

* * *

Sage's fate was a tragedy in itself. _She_ knelt at his grave. He deserved flowers.

* * *

Deirdre was there when he opened his eyes once more.

* * *

Deirdre watched without emotion as Rowan died. _He_ would have been ashamed to have such a winter prince to succeed him. _She_ felt her lip curl when she found out that the prince had survived.

* * *

Ash brought her pride. He reminded her of _him_. Of what could have _been_.

* * *

She closed her eyes as she felt Ariella's spirit fade once more into nothingness, feeling the Nevernever once again return to balance.

* * *

( Deirdre could understand the fairies hate to humans. They were foolish, repeated the same mistakes across history again and again, and brought tragedies on themselves so great, _she_ wanted to punch them herself. _She_ did not hate the humans. _He_ made that mistake and brought himself to madness and ruin out of jealousy.

So no. _She_ did not hate the humans. _She_ continued to fulfill her duty, and feel empty inside.)

 _Further_

Deirdre had met Kierran, the Iron Queen's and Prince Ash's son. _She_ had stumbled upon him in the Wyldwood. The child bore 3 glamours. A prophecy was foretold. Deirdre felt sometimes as she heard _his_ voice in the wind, and _she_ would be filled with a feeling of dread. Shadows of _her_ past were rising. The ghosts of the forgotten were walking again.

* * *

Ethan Chase was dead. The veil had lifted. Deirdre crouched by his bloodstained body and covered _her_ palms over his wound, closing _her_ eyes tightly. _She_ felt her glamour rush into him like a stream. _Her_ eyes opened as he made his first breath.

* * *

 _She_ watched the Nevernever gift Ethan with the power to evade glamour and felt dread settle in _her_ stomach.

 _Every power has a price._

* * *

The armies flew over the meadow. Kierran had returned to himself. He was banished with the forgotten to in-between. Ethan and Kenzie went home. All was well.

 _Now_

Deirdre watched as Matthew Chase pushed his sister out of harm way. Auriana flew backwards into the tree and disappeared without a trace. _She_ stared as the other boy turned in a wolf and attacked the winter fairy. Deirdre saw Matthew catch the wolf by it's fur and jump toward the tree where Auriana had disappeared moments before. This time there was a flash of light. He took his violin with him.

 _She_ felt her blood run cold as she met the fairy's gaze across the parking lot, eyes as dark as the night.

 _Every power comes with a price._

* * *

Hey guys! Lamentlima here. this a prequel i wrote for the iron fey series fanfic "that's all there was". This fic enters the world of fey and shows the history of fey before the "Iron king" book by julie kagawa. I hope y'all read this then go eagerly to to my other fic.

reviews are welcome! I'm new at fanfic writing so don't hesitate to send me a message at my tumblr url: lamentlima

 **Desclaimer: All the iron fey Characters and events of the Iron fey series books mentioned here belong to Julie kagawa.**


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